I’ve been struggling a little bit lately. Where I live, we’re very slowly coming out of the pandemic. Masks are required indoors, and most people still wear them outside too. We’re gathering only when we know we’re all vaccinated, but socializing feels new and awkward and utterly exhausting.
I finally came up with a word for what I’m feeling yesterday: fragile. I feel like the slightest gust of wind could knock me over, or one wrong word will leave me near tears. But I have decided (with the help of a trusted friend) that I’m just going to let myself be fragile right now. After all, I did just live through a global pandemic. You did too. I’ve talked to so many people who feel this way: I should feel happy and fine! We’re getting back to normal! But they feel anything but happy or fine.
I think of deer, after they’ve been shocked or scared and they begin shaking to rid their bodies of the trauma. This fragile period feels a little like that. We’re walking on wobbly legs, in need of a rest and some quiet kindness. When you really think about it, especially after these last many months, life truly is all so fragile, isn’t it?
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Thaanks for writing
Julie, if you ever want to talk over feeling fragile, I am the Queen of that since November 8.
In regard to returning to “normal” re the pandemic, like socializing with vaccinated friends without masks, the word I use is feeling “irresponsible.” It’s not, of course, but restriction has been such a way of life that to do otherwise still feels like breaking the rules…
Always so on point. xo
Be hopeful Julie..day by day we are recovering what was lost, and yes, shaking off
the trauma (gladly)! I keep thinking we can’t go anywhere but UP after all that’s gone down..
Yes Candy Emotional Shitshow is such a great way to put it! Sitting in Love and Compassion for all as we find our way back to community.
The shaking deer – what a good reminder. xo
I am still trying to build back my strength so that there are more smiles and laughter rather than tears and fears. Writing is a good place to start.
Yup!
Yup! You are not alone on this. I am so right there with you! Wobbly legs is a perfect description. Fragile, awkward, cautiously elated. It’s a bit of an emotional shitshow around here. 😜